in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
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There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
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I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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