I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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