my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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