I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
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Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
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I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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