I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
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Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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