I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
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I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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