I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
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Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
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