Texts From Last Night

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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"

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  (401): So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection" http://tfl.nu/al1v
  Replies (20) Good night (715) Bad night (5264)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.

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  (970): If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car. http://tfl.nu/glcf
  Replies (6) Good night (736) Bad night (3077) Order T-Shirt
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  (850): View more from Florida

  I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.

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  (850): I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken. http://tfl.nu/xxkh
  Replies (23) Good night (4472) Bad night (681) Order T-Shirt
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.

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  (860): Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life. http://tfl.nu/zt1o
  Replies (21) Good night (2236) Bad night (4703) Order T-Shirt
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  (512): View more from Texas

  apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.

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  (512): apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls. http://tfl.nu/xowh
  Replies (13) Good night (1280) Bad night (3968) Order T-Shirt
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  (650): View more from California

  i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.

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  (650): i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating. http://tfl.nu/do4w
  Replies (4) Good night (3266) Bad night (811)
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  (61): View more from Australia

  who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class

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  (61): who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class http://tfl.nu/g4lj
  Replies (6) Good night (4318) Bad night (620) Order T-Shirt
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  (701): View more from North Dakota

  I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.

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  (701): I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day. http://tfl.nu/5jp7
  Replies (2) Good night (1162) Bad night (344) Order T-Shirt
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  (905): View more from Ontario

  No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.

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  (905): No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created. http://tfl.nu/pt0u
  Replies (6) Good night (1562) Bad night (658) Order T-Shirt
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.

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  (402): Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created. http://tfl.nu/pozr
  Replies (4) Good night (457) Bad night (952)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol

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  (814): Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol http://tfl.nu/gohb
  Replies (5) Good night (731) Bad night (445)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?

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  (330): If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve? http://tfl.nu/pwke
  Replies (1) Good night (841) Bad night (228) Order T-Shirt
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  (713): View more from Texas

  Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.

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  (713): Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair. http://tfl.nu/2yyf
  Replies (8) Good night (267) Bad night (977) Order T-Shirt
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....

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  (404): All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused.... http://tfl.nu/ik1s
  Replies (6) Good night (1564) Bad night (257) Order T-Shirt
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  (713): View more from Texas

  I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.

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  (713): I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend. http://tfl.nu/unpl
  Replies (4) Good night (696) Bad night (200)

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