I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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