you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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