Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
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I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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