He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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