Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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