I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
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