Banned from zoo.
Again?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize