Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize