i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
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