Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize