Someone shit on the floor
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
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Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
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I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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