Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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