matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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