hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize