when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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