omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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