Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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