He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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