I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
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I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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