i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
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Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
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It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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