Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
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he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
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I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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