This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
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I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
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I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize