Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
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The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
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i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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