We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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