just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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