i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize