i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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