did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize