Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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