WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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