He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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