dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
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She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
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He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
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