he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
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