Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
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