I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize