u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
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