420 ftw
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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