You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
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