as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
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New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
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Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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