I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize