Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
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