Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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